What with all these new, young players Freo have unleashed this year, as well as some young, high profile duds over at the Other Mob, who will look good in sunglasses commercials, some of us could start to lose touch with the after-match interviews soon; think Matthew Knights as a 19 year old coach.

We may need to put some effort into keeping up. With that in mind, for the older and less geeky among us, a definition of Pwnage is necessary. It belongs to some of the new language the kids of today are using, as if us Internet newbs could possibly fathom what they're on about. And there's another fascinating thing (he says, polishing his bi-focals and soothing his lumbago), newb isn't the same as noob. In nerd land, a newb is new to a task or situation, yet is willing to learn and get past that stage. A noob has no interest in learning any more. They want to be part of the cool crowd, but expect people to do their work for them, and to get credit for it.

 On stumbling across Pwnage, I came across yet another nerdism; reed. Reed is of course, short for ridiculous. As in, "Dude, the Weags will never beat Freo - you're so reed." Another use for reed is in the term maga-ginger; a totally uncool fanta who thinks he is. This sort of reed can get sunburn from the moon on cloudy nights.

In geek-speak, Pwnage refers to the utter humiliation of a rival in PC gaming, and the relentless taunting that ensues on message boards.  It started as a simple typo, but Gen Y being what they are, and not wanting to disappoint A Current Affair - who claims the txt generation is taking us to literacy hell - they just kept it.

Of course, it was supposed to be Ownage, or, Pure Ownage; it doesn't really matter how it's wrongness came about - just like footy calling, if you get it wrong often enough, it just becomes another new word. It means to own, to get the better of; to be superior in every way; to conquer; to school; taught a lesson; to be owned beyond words; to be someone's bunny. To keep coming back for more, and still losing, is to remain Pwned.

 Freo Pwn the Eagles. 

They know this; they've barely cracked a win against us in 3 years. It is Pwnage on a grand and relentless scale. It's one thing to be humiliated on Dungeons & Dragons or Counterstrike Internet sites. But, assuming (and we can't) gaming nerds venture from their PCs long enough to suck a bit of Vitamin D into their system through exposure to direct sunlight, they can walk around in public, as Jacko would say, unaided - unless they're maga-gingers, or Ash Hansen. Nerds are unburdened by the very public stigma of being crap, sucking badly, and being unable to stop themselves coming back for more. Nerds are only virtually Pwned.

Not so the Eagles. They were absolutely Pwned on a national and public scale even when they had the Awsomely Awesome midfield combination of King Judd, or as the umps call him - the Spin King; a chemically supercharged boundary jogging vomit machine; a 9 fingered troglodyte; D. Kerr, and a bloke whose finest work was done in sunglasses commercials. They even had a partially working C-H-A-D in there, which defied all laws of physics, and most of the one's in nature.

Now that's all in the past; most of those blokes have gone, and Cousins has taken half of the WC supporters went with him. Special K has to hold down the midfield by himself and he's not liking the job much. Devoid of the sort of ump love that is the domain of Internet sites of such a diverse fetish they don't actually exist yet, he's finding it tough going. There was a time when Dan could just wink at an ump and get a 50; he could implore them for a fair go, and someone would get booked; he would feign serious injury and The Geesh would push The Brow for an online Royal Commission.

Not any more. The umps are leaving Dan to it and he's not getting much done. He has to play for his own ball, and the ball doesn't want to play. Woosh's only hope for him is to cling onto a rule change. The New Breed is looking more like it's inbred. They all talk the same, look the same, play the same, and yet, there's something not quite right about them, and I keep hearing duelling banjo's in the background.

Sure, Freo has had its troubles early on this season, but there's nothing to set you up for a full-on Pwnage session than a solid win over a more fancied opponent. Last week Freo played Sydney as if it were Postage Stamp Stadium back in Sin city, and Pwned them at their own game. They did all the things they didn't do in previous weeks; chased hard, tackled relentlessly, kept the clangers to a minimum, and let Pavlich work himself back into some form. Hell, when Mundy's kicking goals, something’s working.

This isn't good for WC. They know this. They were hoping Freo would endure a bloodbath the likes of which WC themselves had endured the week before. Then they would have at least gone into the Derby without the Fear. The fear of Pwnage is foremost in their minds, and the strategy will be to just limit the damage. So expect dull resistance from their coach, as they try and wrap the ball up and make it a scrum fest. There'll be more stoppages than a major freeway upgrade during peak hours.

It's a foregone conclusion. As surely as Pwnage will enter the lexicon as we get too old to see the keyboard properly, WCE will remain Pwned on Saturday.

If your kids aren't getting it yet, and still fancy WC chances, you can just tell them:

Dudes, the noob reed are, like, so totally Pwned.